I was watching one of my usual channels on my tablet in bed, then there was something that caught my eye in the sidebar, so I watched it. To be honest, I can't even remember what it was, the title was far more interesting than the clip lol (don't you hate that!). However, in clicking on this clip I was now on the YouTube Trail! There was another clip which caught my eye, it was called "Casually Suicidal - Sarah Liberti - TEDxAdelphiUniversity". I had to watch this, what on earth was casual suicide?!?
So I watched Sarahs TEDx and while I was watching, I thought to myself "this is something that I should write a blog post about". After watching Sarahs clip, there was another TEDx that was in the sidebar and I also watched it. This one was called "Why We Choose Suicide - Mark Henick - TEDxToronto".
Both clips were different, yet similar, I won't go into detail here, I'll let you watch them for yourself. Why did I feel the need to write about suicide after stumbling across two clips that weren't at all related to what I was originally watching? Well, in my "About Me" page (which is sooo old and needs updating lol) I briefly mention that around 2011-2012 I was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2 and ADHD.
Never in a million years did I think I'd receive a diagnosis of either of these mental health issues. Ignorance had actually led me to believe that ADHD was only something kids had! Prior to my diagnosis, I used to joke with my wife that "If ADHD was around when I was a kid, I would've been the poster child"!!!!
So how is Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2 different to Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2? Well, to really simplify it Bipolar 1 or 2 means you live life with more extreme mood swings (and other symptoms) than the regular person. Rapid Cycling is exactly how it sounds, I cycle through moods faster than those with Bipolar 1 or 2, which can make medicating a right pain in the backside for both my Psychiatrist and myself - the one who has to swallow the multicoloured happy pills.
Okay, so back to the two YouTube clips, I said that they were different, yet similar. So how were they similar? Well, both Sarah and Mark touched on the feelings of shame, guilt, stigma etc in relation to thoughts of or attempts of suicide. Having lived on the medication roller coaster now for a few years, has suicide ever crossed my mind? I could say "No". However, to say this would undermine the work that people like Sarah and Mark are doing in telling their stories in a very public way - trying to remove the shame, guilt and stigma from mental health issues.
So Yes, suicide has crossed my mind. It crossed my mind in my early 20's and right up to quite recently. Have I ever attempted to harm myself? No, not since being medicated in 2011-2012. In saying this, medication isn't a safety blanket and shouldn't be treated as one. For anyone who lives with any kind of mental health issue, you'll know that your medication needs to be tweaked every so often and dealing with negative thoughts or thoughts of suicide can take immense mental strength - sometimes when you just don't have the strength to spare! When you're taking the right medication, you're only three quarters there, the other quarter is a deciding factor that only you can make.
If you need to talk to someone, contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or visit their website:-https://www.lifeline.org.au/
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