The YouTube Trail

If you're anything like me, you have regular channels on YouTube that you watch or subscribe to. Then there are those days where you either search for something or you're watching a regular channel but something in the sidebar catches your eye. I had one of those moments last night.

I was watching one of my usual channels on my tablet in bed, then there was something that caught my eye in the sidebar, so I watched it. To be honest, I can't even remember what it was, the title was far more interesting than the clip lol (don't you hate that!). However, in clicking on this clip I was now on the YouTube Trail! There was another clip which caught my eye, it was called "Casually Suicidal - Sarah Liberti - TEDxAdelphiUniversity". I had to watch this, what on earth was casual suicide?!?

So I watched Sarahs TEDx and while I was watching, I thought to myself "this is something that I should write a blog post about". After watching Sarahs clip, there was another TEDx that was in the sidebar and I also watched it. This one was called "Why We Choose Suicide - Mark Henick - TEDxToronto".  

Both clips were different, yet similar, I won't go into detail here, I'll let you watch them for yourself. Why did I feel the need to write about suicide after stumbling across two clips that weren't at all related to what I was originally watching? Well, in my "About Me" page (which is sooo old and needs updating lol) I briefly mention that around 2011-2012 I was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2 and ADHD. 

Never in a million years did I think I'd receive a diagnosis of either of these mental health issues. Ignorance had actually led me to believe that ADHD was only something kids had! Prior to my diagnosis, I used to joke with my wife that "If ADHD was around when I was a kid, I would've been the poster child"!!!! 

So how is Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2 different to Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2? Well, to really simplify it Bipolar 1 or 2 means you live life with more extreme mood swings (and other symptoms) than the regular person. Rapid Cycling is exactly how it sounds, I cycle through moods faster than those with Bipolar 1 or 2, which can make medicating a right pain in the backside for both my Psychiatrist and myself - the one who has to swallow the multicoloured happy pills.

Okay, so back to the two YouTube clips, I said that they were different, yet similar. So how were they similar? Well, both Sarah and Mark touched on the feelings of shame, guilt, stigma etc in relation to thoughts of or attempts of suicide. Having lived on the medication roller coaster now for a few years, has suicide ever crossed my mind? I could say "No". However, to say this would undermine the work that people like Sarah and Mark are doing in telling their stories in a very public way - trying to remove the shame, guilt and stigma from mental health issues.

So Yes, suicide has crossed my mind. It crossed my mind in my early 20's and right up to quite recently. Have I ever attempted to harm myself? No, not since being medicated in 2011-2012. In saying this, medication isn't a safety blanket and shouldn't be treated as one. For anyone who lives with any kind of mental health issue, you'll know that your medication needs to be tweaked every so often and dealing with negative thoughts or thoughts of suicide can take immense mental strength - sometimes when you just don't have the strength to spare! When you're taking the right medication, you're only three quarters there, the other quarter is a deciding factor that only you can make.

If you need to talk to someone, contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or visit their website:-https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 

Rant and Cross Stitch Progress

Thanks to the current run of disgustingly hot days, I've done some work on my Old School Is Cool cross stitch from CloudsFactory. As I mentioned in my previous post, I didn't have all the floss colours required for this project, so I purchased the ones required online. Now, this isn't a whinge about paying for postage because I have no issue whatsoever with that, it's a bit of a whinge about the size of the parcel!

So I purchased nine skeins of floss from Spotlight. Now unless you're ordering a huge amount of floss, it pretty much weighs nothing, however, it arrived in a 3kg bag!!!! Not only did the postage cost almost as much as the contents, but nine skeins could have been posted in a much, much smaller bag. Apart from the ridiculous price of postage, imagine how many people aside from myself are purchasing floss online from Spotlight and are being posted this size bag, which is then thrown into general rubbish and goes into landfill! In the future, I'll no longer be ordering floss from Spotlight unless I'm purchasing other items which require a box that can be recycled.

Rant over, onto my progress. I've finished one out of five cassette tapes and started a second. I still haven't decided what titles I'll put on them as yet, but as those are backstitch and I leave that until the very end, I've still got plenty of time to think about it.

This is my first-time stitching on opalescent aida and I'm not sure I'll stitch on it again. You can't see the sparkles in the photo, but they're there. Some of the sparkles are also over the holes and create some resistance on the needle and to the floss. The aida itself also has a sticky feeling, liked it's coated with hairspray... Who knows? Maybe by the time I finish, the feeling will no longer be an issue for me.

Our new Annette Sym - Symply Too Good To Be True recipe books arrived as well, we also ordered the Healthy Snack Bible and for some reason, it was missing from the order, so I've emailed them about this. Apart from this book being missing, the newly revised editions are great! Both the photos and instructions are clearer, and the nutritional information tables have extra information as well. So if you're wanting to change your diet as well as controlling your portion sizes, I can't recommend these books enough! 

2018

My poor, poor blog! Only one post last year and none in 2016! What can I say? 2017 kept me busy and quite preoccupied. I plan on making a more concerted effort this year to blog. Trust me, there were many times last year when I wanted to blog, however, I chose not to as I didn't want to commit to re-starting when I wasn't sure I could follow through lol

So committing to this blog for 2018 isn't a new years resolution, I don't do those lol I do however set goals! 

So what are some goals for this year? Well, my first two are:-
1) Making an effort to write posts for this blog even if they're about absolutely nothing (just so the blogosphere knows I'm still alive and kicking because I know you all fret when I'm not about lol) :) 
2) Lose weight. Yeah I know this starting to sound like a resolution lol It isn't! I've never been one to be overweight in the past, but I am now and changes have to be made. I'm not talking about going on a diet because diets are temporary and "fadish", I'm talking about making a sustainable lifestyle change (to quote a friend). I'll add more goals as I go along, that's the difference between goals and resolutions, they're not set in concrete, they can be added, changed or removed completely.

How am I planning on my lifestyle change? Well, prior to owning the shop my wife and I used to cook from Annette Sym cookbooks. Somewhere along the line we cooked less of her food and ate more junk or became a little blase with our diet. The long hours of owning the shop - I believe had quite a bit to do with this.

We own books 1-7 of the original versions and they were all revised at the end of last year, so yesterday we purchased the full set of the revised editions. You're probably wondering what's so special about her books? They're no fuss recipes, the ingredients used aren't obscure - use them once and push them to the back of the pantry type ingredients, each recipe has a Nutritional Information Table, there's a wide range of cuisines, they contain recipes for snacks, breakfast, lunch, dinner, sweets, cakes, drinks, etc. Last but not least, her books are endorsed by Diabetes Australia.

I think one of the problems today surrounding food and diets is that there's so much information at our fingertips online. The issue is that it isn't all correct! Everyone wants a quick fix and that's what so many of the fad diets promise. To be healthy, it just takes a bit of common sense. For our body to function correctly, it needs to be nourished properly. Forget the low fat, high fat, no sugar, high protein, no protein diets. They're simply not sustainable! Look at portion control and eating a wide variety of veg, fruit, protein etc. As well as getting up off your butt and moving a bit more. Food is the fuel that powers your body, a cliche I know, but it's true. For the record this isn't a sponsored post, just my experience in using Annette Sym's "Too Good To Be True" recipe books. If you're interested in what she has to offer, there are some sample recipes on her website.

Okay, I'm outta here! I'll catch you next time!

Coincidence?

I've never been one for coincidences, I've always believed that things happen for a reason - even if the reason doesn't seem to make sense at the time. Anyway, so last night I opened a tarot app on my tablet. It's been on my tablet pretty much since I got it and I think I've used it three times in two years. So I clicked on Card Of The Day.

       

I got The Emperor card. 

Then I decided to do a three card spread in the same app and The Emperor showed up again in the position of The Present.

I also have an App that's all about crystals, so I opened it and clicked on Crystal Of The Day.

The crystal Carnelian came up, so I clicked on it for more information.

The information section is quite long, so this is just a snippet. The information section shows all elements that a particular crystal is connected to, i.e star sign, tarot card, chakras, health or body ailments etc. Guess what?!!? The Emperor Card showed itself again! Plus my star sign Scorpio.

I decided to browse for other tarot apps, I think I was trying to 'break this Emperor pattern'..... Now there are hundreds of these apps out there! I found one that had good reviews, so I downloaded it and clicked on Card Of The Day.

Two Things are a bit freaky about this! Firstly the card that turned over was - Surprise! The Emperor Card! The second freaky thing is, that as soon as I saw the card image I realised that of all the hundreds of tarot apps, I had downloaded an app of a tarot deck that I already own a physical copy of! I didn't realise this when I downloaded it, because the name of the app is different to the physical card deck. I had actually written a post a few years back about this deck, as I found it in my bookshelf - still in its shrink wrap! Neither my wife or myself had any recollection of buying it or seeing it before!

So who is this Emperor guy and what is he trying to tell me? I used three separate apps, by three separate creators - so it's not like they 'electronically talk' to each other. The Emperor Card speaks of power, authority, stability and structure. The crystal Carnelian speaks of a time of healing, improved health, avoiding stress and seeking joy.

I totally get the crystal meaning, as I have been having a rough time in general of late. Just the other day I discussed with my wife, that I need to avoid stress and stressful situations for a while. As for The Emperor Card, I feel this is mostly in relation with my work. I am the authority/power figure and I need stability and structure in order to maintain good health and a peaceful, calm and quiet mind - which has been severely lacking over the past few weeks.

Whichever way I look at the three various app readings from last night, they've left me gobsmacked! All three showed the same card. Coincidence? I've never been a believer in it.......

Rest In Peace Little Mate

Binx

Sadly on the 29th May we had to have Binky (aka Binx) put to sleep, he was almost 14 years old. He had started urinating in strange places. It started with him peeing outside of the kitty litter tray, we thought maybe they had changed the litter ingredients so we tried another brand and he did it again. We read online that sometimes cats won't use a tray if it smells of ammonia, so we bought a new tray and it made no difference. Then he urinated in the garage on my tools and in their food bowls. This was out of character for him as he had never done this, he had always been a very clean cat. 

Binx and Kali

So my wife took him to the vet. The vet told her that he had diabetes and treating him for this would be hard, as he would have other issues like kidney failure and his age wasn't on his side, she also said it was quite costly. The vet said that putting him to sleep would be the best option for him and that to be kind we should make the decision within 1 week, I should also mention that she did say that if he were younger she would encourage treatment. My wife brought him home and told me what the vet said. We agreed there and then that we would have him put to sleep the next day, as we didn't want to prolong any discomfort he might be experiencing as cats are notorious for hiding pain. My wife rang the vet clinic and made the appointment for the next day.

That night I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that we would have to euthanise Binx because he was diabetic. I kept thinking that we don't euthanise humans that are diabetic!! I was so completely stuck! I felt that my mind was at a road block and I couldn't figure out how to get around it, this isn't a normal feeling for me as I can usually find my way out of any negative or puzzling situation. All night long I just read and read online about diabetes in cats. I didn't read airy fairy pages - I read veterinary websites with solid scientific based information. I read that if a diabetic cat is fed a high protein - low carb diet along with insulin treatment there is a possibility that they could go into remission.    

Binx and Spike

I latched onto this tiny glimmer of hope and told my wife what I had read. I told her that I just couldn't have him put to sleep without at least trying to do something! My conscious just wouldn't allow me. I didn't know how much 'costly' meant, but I wanted to at least try. So we agreed to speak to the vet about possible treatment. 

When we were called into the treatment room, I began by explaining to the vet what I had read on reputable websites regarding a change of diet combined with insulin treatment. I asked her if there was any chance that his diabetes could be treated this way? After asking her this, I saw the look on her face and I knew that I was grasping at straws, but I couldn't help it, I couldn't let go. She replied that he could, but there were no guarantees that it would work. She also said that he would need his blood sugar levels taken a number of times a day and given that he would hate it, he most likely wouldn't come home or inside as often, and keeping track of his insulin levels would be hard for us and harmful for him. She also reiterated that his age was a problem and that his kidneys most likely wouldn't cope. 

She told us that she would give us a moment to discuss the situation and she stepped out of the room. I knew what we had to do. I just couldn't say it. My wife and I agreed that for his sake, we had to let him go.

The vet returned and we told her that we had decided it was kinder for him to let him go. She took him away to insert the cannula and brought him back to us. We said our goodbyes and stayed with him till the end. We opted to have Binx cremated and he'll come home to us this week.

Binx

Having pets is hard, they can't tell you what's wrong, if they feel sick or where it hurts. You also have to know when enough is enough whether you want it to be or not. You have to know when to let go even when it hurts like crazy and you can't get the words out. Knowing in your mind is hard enough, but actually verbalising out a loud that you've decided your pet has to be put to sleep, is one of the hardest things in the world.

Rest In Peace Binx. We're so sorry you were sick and we didn't know. We miss you and we love you, as do your furry brothers and sisters. We know that you'll be waiting for us at The Rainbow Bridge where we'll meet again.

The Rainbow Bridge Poem

Storms And Colds

So what's been happening that's kept me away from Blogger? lol Where do I start? Okay so not long after my last post, the area I live in had the worst storm ever and it lasted 3 days! It was classed as a category 2 cyclone! I don't live in a tropical region, so cyclones technically shouldn't occur. I have never experienced anything like it in my life! I've seen on the news when tornadoes go through in America, and the people have those bunkers because they live in a region prone to such storms, and I often wonder how they keep wanting to live in those areas? After the storm we had, one was enough! I don't think I could live somewhere that had these storms/cyclones frequently!

We lost power for 3 days, the home phone for a week, our garage was flooded and rain was constantly blown in, around and under doors in our house, and we had some damage to our fences. We still had running water and gas so we were able to cook and wash. Mind you - when I say 'wash' lol I mean heating large pots of water on the stove and pouring them into the bath, as the gas water system has an electric ignition lol When the power came back on, you've never seen someone so happy to have a shower! Having a bird bath just isn't the same lol.

Others weren't so lucky, some lost power for more than a week, some lost the roof off their homes..... Others lost their entire home and sadly some lost their lives. Roads were closed in some areas due to power lines across roads, trees across roads or flooding. 

The news constantly told people to stay off the roads unless it was absolutely necessary. Guess what? I had to go out lol My shop is open 7 days a week and I have an online store. I only closed the shop for 1 day, but people from other states were still ordering products online. I took the photo above when I was on my way to the shop to fulfill an online order. I'm lucky I drive a SUV so the water wasn't an issue for me, but some cars that drove through this had water above the bottom of their doors. It also amazed me that people didn't slow down. One my way back home a woman in a small car raced into the water behind me.... Given that my car was much higher than hers she copped a huge wave of water over the bonnet and windscreen.... She slowed down after that.

So after the clean up, including drying my garage out all seemed to be good. Then about a week later it rained again and I heard something dripping!!! I checked all the taps and couldn't find where it was coming from, then I looked into the garage and discovered that water was dripping through a small hole in the gyprock ceiling just centimetres from my kiln. The garage was flooded again. We had a builder come out to check the damage, and it turned out that the wind from the cyclone had blown a bunch of roof tiles out of place. Phew! He put the tiles back in place and didn't even charge me. We've had rain since and the garage remained dry :) 

Next topic lol I had my last x-ray checked 3 weeks ago by my Dr and the morning of the appointment I woke up with a sore throat and burning eyes. I thought 'Oh No! This is how it all started!'. She told me my x-ray was almost all clear and there was no need for another one. I told her about the symptoms I had when I woke up and she checked me over but couldn't find anything.... She told me to keep an on it as she didn't want me to land up back in hospital. By that afternoon I felt horrid, I had another cold. 

That was 3 weeks ago and I still have it. I was almost over it by the end of last week, but on the weekend we had been booked for a stall at an outdoor event for our shop. It rained all day and it was freezing cold. The whole time I was standing there I just knew the weather was going to set me back. Sure enough, Monday morning I woke up feeling like I was back to day 2 of when it first kicked in. I'm drugged up and feel awful, I'm really over having a cold and feeling like this.

I have some other news, it's sad and deserves it own post. So I shall write it now and schedule it for tomorrow. I'm off for another handful of tissues! 

Long Time. No Write.

Okay I hope the format of this post isn't all over the place as I'm writing it on my tablet, not my pc (my tablet never seems to keep the right format for some reason?). It's been quite awhile since I last wrote. I don't have the usual "I didn't have time or I've been busy working" excuse. I was actually sick, the sickest I've ever been in my whole life! 

Almost two months ago I felt a bit yuck like I was catching a cold, so I went to the Drs and got checked over. The conclusion was that I had a bit of a chest infection, so my Dr gave me a script for some antibiotics and I was on my way. I was a good patient and took the medication as prescribed for a week. In the meantime my wife was working nightshift, so we weren't seeing much of each other so she wasn't seeing how ill I was. Anyway on the morning that my wife finished her last shift she was still awake when I dragged my backside out of bed to get a drink. I actually hadn't heard her come home. My wife took one look at me and started taking my observations and asking me a bunch of questions. After she had finished being a Registered Nurse with me, we had a backward and forward conversation where she told me I was going to hospital and I kept saying no. 

So why wouldn't I go to hospital? Well my temperature was so high that I was delirious! Yep! I was off with the pixies lol! Finally I was convinced that I needed to go to hospital so off we went. My wife was still wearing her uniform lol When we got there, I couldn't believe it but the first nurse that I saw on entering the emergency department was one of my customers lol Anyway after having more observations taken, blood and xrays done I was hooked up to a drip and spent 3 days and 2 nights in a 4 bedded ward with 3 old codgers lol.

It turned out I had septic pneumonia and if I had put off going to hospital longer than I had, they would have had to knock me out for 2 days while a machine did my breathing for me. When the Dr's agreed that I could go home they told me that for 2 weeks I was to do nothing and that the following weeks I would slowly start to feel better but would be quite tired. Yeah they weren't wrong about the whole tired thing! I pretty much slept for the first 2 weeks. Since then I feel ok, but get tired soo quickly! It's so frustrating! I wake up feeling okay but between 11am - 12pm I seriously run out of energy. If it wasn't for my android tablet I would have gone crazy! I was too tired to do anything. 

One thing I did do just recently is finish a small cross stitch pattern that I had started a while ago. It's called "Queen Rock Band" from Clouds Factory.

Queen Rock Band.

Sorry about the crease, I'm yet to wash and iron it lol I've just started another one called "Tribal Cat", it's supposed to be stitched in black floss on white 14 count aida. I've decided to stitch it in pink floss on black 14 count aida...... Yeah, I'm just trying to my life easy lol I've never stitched on black aida before lol It's a wee bit hard on the eyes, especially without one of those lap light thingamajigs. Here's my progress over the past two days. 

First day.      Second day.  

The pink (DMC 3608) is actually much darker/brighter in real life, for some reason is photographs quite pale :/  

DMC 3608

Tribal Cat - White Willow Stitching

This is what is will look like (hopefully lol) once it's finished. :)

Okay, well I'll be off now! I hope you all have a great Easter and get lots of nice chocies and have a bit of a rest!