The Decisions We Make

We make decisions everyday of our lives, some are as simple as deciding what to wear, some are much harder. I recently made a decision regarding something which I didn't take lightly. The reason that I didn't take it lightly is because it involves other people and my decision will affect them. I'm not going to disclose this decision here today as it doesn't come into effect yet. However once it does, I will write about this decision, why I made it and why it was hard.

Initially when I came to the conclusion that I had come to a cross road and had to choose which fork in the road to choose, I felt relief after choosing - it was almost immediate. However, now that this choice I have made is becoming more of a reality, it's making me feel quite ill. I don't normally make life choices that affect others, any choices I make are usually small and about myself - what's right for me, how will this affect my day/future etc, do I go to the supermarket before the hardware shop, what will save me time today? Etc. 


Apart from my wife, my sister is the only other person who knows about this choice I have made. I was speaking with her today via Facebook and telling her how I was feeling, after some back and forth conversation my sister said 'Remember why you're doing it'. She was the sane, calm voice of reason that gave me the jolt I needed to remind me that there was a bigger picture here, and this decision was only a small stepping stone within this larger picture.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel somewhat ill. However those five words that my sister wrote on the screen did help calm me a little. I needed someone to point out that I needed to stay focused in the present so that I can move forward onto the next part of the picture. I don't know if it's a bipolar thing, an ADHD thing or just a me thing. But sometimes I do get stuck on something and either can't get around it or see past it. Having someone point out something as simple as 'Remember why you're doing it', enables me to get around that road block and see further down the road.

I guess we all get stuck on things in life and all it takes is the perspective of another who can view the issue from a different angle or who's removed from the situation and can see clearer than yourself to offer advice. I guess the point I'm making here is that you might be stuck and not even realise it, like I was today. Just expressing a current issue you're having with someone else will help, even if all they do is listen. 

Don't keep fears or negative thoughts to yourself because you think there's no alternative or way out, the chances are that you're so consumed by the issue that you're not thinking or viewing it clearly enough. Talk to someone about, if it helps, write about it. I know that writing this blog (when I get time) is quite therapeutic, and hey - if someone else reads it and helps them, then it's a win - win.           

In any case the next time I write will probably be when my decision comes into effect. I will let you know how it goes. Remember - we make decisions for a reason, keep your eye on the bigger picture. 

Coincidence?

I've never been one for coincidences, I've always believed that things happen for a reason - even if the reason doesn't seem to make sense at the time. Anyway, so last night I opened a tarot app on my tablet. It's been on my tablet pretty much since I got it and I think I've used it three times in two years. So I clicked on Card Of The Day.

       

I got The Emperor card. 

Then I decided to do a three card spread in the same app and The Emperor showed up again in the position of The Present.

I also have an App that's all about crystals, so I opened it and clicked on Crystal Of The Day.

The crystal Carnelian came up, so I clicked on it for more information.

The information section is quite long, so this is just a snippet. The information section shows all elements that a particular crystal is connected to, i.e star sign, tarot card, chakras, health or body ailments etc. Guess what?!!? The Emperor Card showed itself again! Plus my star sign Scorpio.

I decided to browse for other tarot apps, I think I was trying to 'break this Emperor pattern'..... Now there are hundreds of these apps out there! I found one that had good reviews, so I downloaded it and clicked on Card Of The Day.

Two Things are a bit freaky about this! Firstly the card that turned over was - Surprise! The Emperor Card! The second freaky thing is, that as soon as I saw the card image I realised that of all the hundreds of tarot apps, I had downloaded an app of a tarot deck that I already own a physical copy of! I didn't realise this when I downloaded it, because the name of the app is different to the physical card deck. I had actually written a post a few years back about this deck, as I found it in my bookshelf - still in its shrink wrap! Neither my wife or myself had any recollection of buying it or seeing it before!

So who is this Emperor guy and what is he trying to tell me? I used three separate apps, by three separate creators - so it's not like they 'electronically talk' to each other. The Emperor Card speaks of power, authority, stability and structure. The crystal Carnelian speaks of a time of healing, improved health, avoiding stress and seeking joy.

I totally get the crystal meaning, as I have been having a rough time in general of late. Just the other day I discussed with my wife, that I need to avoid stress and stressful situations for a while. As for The Emperor Card, I feel this is mostly in relation with my work. I am the authority/power figure and I need stability and structure in order to maintain good health and a peaceful, calm and quiet mind - which has been severely lacking over the past few weeks.

Whichever way I look at the three various app readings from last night, they've left me gobsmacked! All three showed the same card. Coincidence? I've never been a believer in it.......

I Need A Clone!!

Yes I do need a clone! I have to finish painting the house, I have to sort out the jungle in the backyard and I need to get my small business up and running! Plus..... Just do all the other regular things that we all have to do! My brain isn't content with organising itself like a normal brain, it likes to grab a whole bunch of ideas and then it says "let do this!" When it isn't physically possible! Okay, so for the sanity of both myself and my wife, the painting will be finished first. If it isn't, horrible things may happen to me.... lol The garden, I am figuring can be done intermittently between sorting out my small work from home business.

When I was a kid I used to attend hobby ceramics classes, I just loved it! The other kids would attend the class, like me one afternoon a week after school. The only difference between me and the other kids was that, I would work on my pieces on the weekends. I constantly had more than one piece on the go at any given time. Then I got older, moved out of home and had 'grown up' things to do.

My brand spanking new studio size kiln.

Anyway about two years ago, I decided that I wanted to get back into ceramics and I took some more classes. Unfortunately my work roster changed and I could no longer attend the classes, as they were held during the day. I was stuck.... I wanted to continue working with ceramics, but I was unable to do so due to work. So I looked into buying my own kiln.... the second hand ones were appealing - simply due to cost. But there was no guarantee that the previous owner hadn't fired lead based glazes in them. So I started looking at new kilns.... holy moley they were expensive!!!! 

The kiln being loaded.

The other issue I had was, that I had actually never fired a kiln before! I actually knew nothing about them. So my research begun..... Everything I read stated that if you're going to buy a kiln, buy one bigger than what you think you need. So I looked at new kilns and picked the one I thought would suit me, and then did as I was told and looked at the next size up. This was getting dearer by the minute lol How on earth could I justify spending thousands of dollars on a kiln for a hobby? Plus, I would have to take out a loan, as I just didn't have that kind of money lying around. It was also around this time I was becoming increasingly miserable at work.

A Merlin/wizard tile - trivet.

In the past people had requested particular items, which I made and sold to them. Other friends had also told me that they believed that there was a market out there for my work, as it was a little bit different to the usual ceramic ware available. So this - combined with my unhappiness at work got me thinking.... What if I could earn a living from doing this? I spoke to my wife about my idea, she knew how I was feeling at work and she also knew that I wanted to continue with my ceramic work. So we looked at the prices of the kilns and decided to purchase one. When you purchase a kiln they are made to order, so you need to be prepared to join a waiting list.

Some Halloween coasters.

When it was my turn for my kiln to be built, my Aunt was diagnosed with cancer, so I requested that I be dropped back down the list. Then my Aunt's treatment seemed to be working, so I advised the kiln builders I was ready. This scenario actually happened three times..... Then one day I was able to take possession of the kiln. I started buying stock, and building up a collection that I could sell. I had almost gotten to a point where I had enough stock, until one day I noticed that most of my pieces had cracked!!!

A platter of four condiment bowls.

I had no idea what had happened, as I inspect all of the pieces when I take them out of the kiln. After doing some research online, I discovered that there could only be two reasons for this happening. The first was the temperature in the kiln and the second was the glaze. I checked the kiln temperature and it was correct. So I spoke to a company who sells glazes, and before I had finished explaining what had happened, the guy knew what was wrong. I had been sold a glaze that was not compatible with Australian clay, yet it was widely distributed.... I was told that the glaze doesn't crack immediately and that it actually takes a couple of weeks for the cracks to appear.

An experimental four-way glazes vase.

So where did that leave me? Well I am now pretty much starting from scratch. I still have a lot of stock that I have not painted, but all of the stock that I had painted, needs to be broken and put into the garbage as it is no longer food safe. I also purchased new glaze that is compatible with Australian clay. I guess the up side to this incident is that, these items weren't sold. As the glaze would've cracked after the sale, leaving the owner with an inferior product and me with a bad reputation.

A collection from my last firing with the new glaze.

As my wife is on holidays in a couple of weeks, the house painting will be finished (thank god!) and then I will be able to get back to my ceramics and start building up enough items to sell. I already have a domain name, however the website isn't live yet - due to not having enough stock to list. I do however have a Facebook page set up:- Crack Pot Ceramics. Once my website is live, it will also be connected to this Facebook page. 

My Crack Pot Ceramics Facebook page.

It's all very exciting, but quite daunting at the same time! I am very much looking forward to being able to spend my time time doing what I love, and that is to paint. I'm just not really looking forward to the 'business' side of things as I don't have a 'business head' lol This is where a clone would come in handy, I could paint and he could take care of the stock, marketing, money, ordering etc lol

You Want How Much For That?!?!

We have a wall in our lounge room which is blank, and its blank because we've never really found anything that has jumped out at us to hang there. That was until one day we were having lunch, and then after lunch we went for a wander through some of the nearby shops. Now I'm not a 'shabby chic' kind of male lol Don't get me wrong, I love old stuff! But for me, it has to be the real deal! The last few years there has been a huge trend in decorating your home with shabby chic items, and they're just not my thing.... Maybe because they're usually in pastel colours and to be honest, I find them just a bit girly..... Sorry girls lol

Anyway, I saw some photo frames that were made up of multiple photo frames, that were all connected together like a collage. I really liked them! Part of me was thinking.... "No! It's a type of shabby chic!!! Stay Away" But the other part of me was thinking... "These are amazing!!" lol The reason I was in two minds was because firstly, yes they were a style of shabby chic, but secondly, it wasn't your typical shabby pastel colours. These frames were all different colours, and the colours were bold and bright!!  

I pointed them out to my wife and she also really liked them, then we noticed that the store had about four different styles of these frames. So we had a look at the different styles.... At this point I hadn't really thought about the price.... After all, yes they were nice, but they were also very simple in their design. So fast forwarding..... We decided that one of these frames would look great on our lounge room wall, that was until I discovered that the asking price was $300! Are You Serious?!?!?! It's needless to say that we left without the frames..... 

As we walked out the door I said to my wife, that if I could get my hands on some old timber frames from ebay etc, I could make the same thing for a fraction of the price! Then I had an idea! I'm full of them! lol There was a charity shop around the corner, so I suggested that we go and have a look.... Guess what I found?!? A bunch of new and used timber frames!! Guess how much they cost me? $8!!! Now I'm no mathematician, but $300 - $8 means I saved $292! Some of the frames are raw timber, which is great, the others I will sand back before painting. I have been playing around with layering the frames beside each other and over the top of each other and looking at which frames will compliment each other, as I'm not sure if I will use all of them, or if I will perhaps seek out a couple of different shaped frames for some variety. 

The photo above is a picture of our bar, it was built from recycled timber from multiple Balinese fishing boats, and as you can see it's made up of many small and different brightly coloured panels. This is going to be the style in which I am going to paint the frames. I also don't have to worry about buying the paint in which to paint the frames with, as I already have quite a collection of acrylic paints, which I have used in the past when I've made decorations for Halloween parties. The downside to my many 'brilliant' ideas is that, my to do list is already as long as my arm lol So it may be a little while before this job gets done. 

The Ancient Egyptian Oracle - The Cards Of Ra-Maat

Today I decided that I would dust off my deck of - The Ancient Egyptian Oracle - The Cards Of Ra-Maat. I haven't used them for quite sometime.... I wasn't looking to do a full reading, I just wanted one card for a general pointer... The card I selected was the card "Concerns ~ Problems and Worries". I thought that this was a pretty good card to draw from the pack, as it is regarding other peoples perception that I am/have become distant and detached and I'm in a world of my own.

To a degree this is very true! However in saying that, there is the quote:- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction - Isaac Newton. As some of you know, I have had a lot going on in my life over the past months. I'm not just talking about losing my Aunt, but also simultaneously being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Adult ADHD (you can click here for more on that topic) and the trials that come with taking medication that alters the way you feel/think.

Most people in my life have been very understanding and supportive, yet there is always that one apple in the cart - so to speak. It is that one apple that has caused a chunk of me to become - distant, detached and in a world of my own - and for the time being, I am quite happy being there!

Straight To The Top Of The Class!

This post is on a lighter note, I promise lol Not that long ago, I found out that the psychiatrist that I was seeing, would no longer be available in my area, so I had to find a new one, and I was fine with this. When I met with my new psychiatrist, he went over my notes and looked at all the medications I had tried. He spoke to me at length about my school years, which at the time I thought was odd. He also asked me briefly about past employment, and why I had chosen to leave after a particular period of time.

Three quarters through the session, the psychiatrist asked me, while looking at my right leg, if I had always been a fidgety person? At the time he asked, I was not aware of what I was doing, but then I realised that my right leg had indeed been kind of fidgety. I told the psychiatrist, that I hadn't really noticed.... But that it was possible. After the session, I mentioned this to my wife, and she stated that I do it all the time! I had never noticed! You think you know yourself and your habits! lol

The psychiatrist asked me if I had ever been tested for ADHD? (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) I stated that I hadn't. Now I don't consider myself an ignorant person, I do try to stay in touch with current events, and if I hear or read about something I don't understand, good old Google comes to the rescue! But I honestly thought that ADHD was a childhood disorder. I had never given it any more thought, I guess I had just assumed that it was something that was treated and then the child grew out of it. The psychiatrist stated that in our next session, he would test me for ADHD.   

When I attended the next session, the psychiatrist had the test ready for me. Once I had completed the test, he reviewed my answers and tallied the score, he did this twice. He then began to explain, that when it was suspected that an adult patient/client had ADHD, they generally scored just above or just below 60/100. They were then referred to a clinic in Sydney which specialised, in more in depth testing, to discover if the patient really had ADHD or some other underlying issue. The psychiatrist went on to say, that I would not need to attend the clinic in Sydney, as I had scored 87/100!   

I thought about what he had said for a moment, and then I started laughing! The psychiatrist looked at me questioningly. I reiterated what I had said to him in the first session we had, when he had asked me about my school years. And that was, that art and sport were my two favourite subjects, and that I was hopeless at everything else. This had been part of the reason I had left school early. I went on to say that every school report card had labelled me as easily distracted, a daydreamer, and that I needed to apply myself.... I told him that 87/100 was the best score I had ever received in a test! When I put it that way, he did think it was pretty funny too. lol

So I received a script for medication to treat the ADHD, and within a week I could not believe the difference in how I felt! It was amazing! I finally feel that I am getting close to the point where, my medications wont need too much more tweaking.